1 00:00:01,219 --> 00:00:03,119 Where the hell's our cab? 2 00:00:03,219 --> 00:00:04,599 Why can't we just hang here? 3 00:00:04,699 --> 00:00:06,679 Because the only things that hang on Christmas Day 4 00:00:06,779 --> 00:00:08,399 - are mistletoe, holly... - [connect tone trills] 5 00:00:08,499 --> 00:00:10,279 - and in some houses, tinsel. - [dispatcher] Hello? 6 00:00:10,379 --> 00:00:13,440 Yes, hi. There's still no sign of our cab, 7 00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,480 and I really need to get to my aunt's for lunch. 8 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,760 - Can I put you on hold? - Yes. 9 00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:18,960 Georgie, you're tipping the pavlova! 10 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,880 - Huh? - The pavlova. 11 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,880 You need to keep it upright or the compote will breach the meringue. 12 00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:24,520 Why did you make this? 13 00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:25,801 Well, Aunt Joan has got 14 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,041 this hilarious photo of me with a pavlova 15 00:00:28,141 --> 00:00:29,961 when I was about Manus's age, 16 00:00:30,061 --> 00:00:32,881 and I thought it'd be super cute to recreate it with you two. 17 00:00:32,981 --> 00:00:36,201 We'll have the perfect family Christmas at Aunt Joan's. 18 00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:39,122 - She has the biggest tree, the... Yes? - [dispatcher] Hello? 19 00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:41,082 The driver's cancelled, I'm afraid, madam. 20 00:00:41,182 --> 00:00:42,482 - What? - Yeah, he's said that... 21 00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:45,242 No, no. No, you can't cancel. 22 00:00:45,342 --> 00:00:46,842 It's Christmas Day. [stammers] 23 00:00:46,942 --> 00:00:49,102 Where else am I going to get a cab on Christmas Day? 24 00:00:51,223 --> 00:00:53,163 Merry Christmas, neighbour. 25 00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:55,003 Cute PJs. 26 00:00:55,103 --> 00:00:57,243 ♪♪ 27 00:00:57,343 --> 00:00:58,723 Come on, Mal, chop chop. 28 00:00:58,823 --> 00:01:01,043 Georgie, you're tipping the pavlova over! 29 00:01:01,143 --> 00:01:03,764 ♪♪ 30 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,684 Okay, what's the address? 31 00:01:05,784 --> 00:01:07,564 Oh, if you just put in Cirencester. 32 00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:11,204 Cirencester?! Amanda, that's practically Wales. You said a quick lift. 33 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,204 You said you had no plans today. 34 00:01:13,304 --> 00:01:16,805 No, I said I planned on doing nothing. Different thing. 35 00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:19,205 Ned's with his mum. I was going to crack open the Baileys, 36 00:01:19,305 --> 00:01:21,485 order a curry and watch me some Die Hard. 37 00:01:21,585 --> 00:01:23,005 Oh, Mal, how depressing. 38 00:01:23,105 --> 00:01:24,445 At least you'll have company now. 39 00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:26,205 I don't want company. 40 00:01:26,305 --> 00:01:27,366 [engine starts] 41 00:01:27,466 --> 00:01:29,286 Oh, could we just do a small detour? 42 00:01:29,386 --> 00:01:31,506 ♪♪ 43 00:01:32,506 --> 00:01:34,126 You having a good Crimbo, Felicity? 44 00:01:34,226 --> 00:01:37,006 Not really. I was supposed to be in South Africa. 45 00:01:37,106 --> 00:01:40,007 But Amanda guilt-tripped me into visiting my sister. 46 00:01:40,107 --> 00:01:42,927 - What's wrong with your sister? - She's a nightmare. 47 00:01:43,027 --> 00:01:45,807 It's just all laughter and games, 48 00:01:45,907 --> 00:01:48,167 and endless bloody cheeseboards. 49 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:50,807 She's completely over the top. 50 00:01:50,907 --> 00:01:53,888 She asks us every year, Mummy, and we never go. It's getting rude. 51 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:58,288 And I would love the kiddos to have a traditional Cotswoldian Noel 52 00:01:58,388 --> 00:02:01,008 while they're still enchanted by the magic of Christmas. 53 00:02:01,108 --> 00:02:02,928 But does she have a PS5? 54 00:02:03,028 --> 00:02:04,729 No, she doesn't have a PS5, Manus. 55 00:02:04,829 --> 00:02:06,689 I don't even think she has the internet. 56 00:02:06,789 --> 00:02:08,529 - [kids groan] - [Manus] No way! 57 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,969 - [phone buzzes] - Oh, it's Anne. 58 00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:12,489 I should take it. 59 00:02:12,589 --> 00:02:13,769 Little Christmas present for her. 60 00:02:13,869 --> 00:02:14,969 - [buzzing continues] - Anne. 61 00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,890 [Anne] Amanda, it's a disaster. 62 00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:19,610 I've been at the airport now for about 14 hours, 63 00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,970 and they've finally just cancelled our flight to Dublin. 64 00:02:22,070 --> 00:02:23,850 Oh, Anne, no. 65 00:02:23,950 --> 00:02:27,050 What a shame. Well, look, thanks for keeping me posted. 66 00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,171 - Chris and the kids went ahead to Cork. - Yep. 67 00:02:29,271 --> 00:02:31,371 I was supposed to join yesterday, but because of the storm 68 00:02:31,471 --> 00:02:32,931 I'm completely stranded. 69 00:02:33,031 --> 00:02:35,411 And everybody who I know and love is hundreds of miles away. 70 00:02:35,511 --> 00:02:37,211 Chris, Darius... 71 00:02:37,311 --> 00:02:39,811 - Pat. Roisin. Pat... - Yes. Yes. Mm. 72 00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:42,852 and her husband, Pat. Their kids, young Pat 73 00:02:42,952 --> 00:02:44,492 - and Patricia. - Yes. 74 00:02:44,592 --> 00:02:46,532 - And Edgar and Barry and Pat. - Hmm, yep. 75 00:02:46,632 --> 00:02:48,412 Uh, you know, Heathrow's on our way, actually. 76 00:02:48,512 --> 00:02:49,652 No. No! 77 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,412 - Fine. - Mal, absolutely not! 78 00:02:51,512 --> 00:02:55,173 No, no, no. No...! God, no...! 79 00:02:55,273 --> 00:02:57,933 [tearfully] Oh, my God, I miss you all so much! 80 00:02:58,033 --> 00:03:00,033 - [Anne sobs] - [music playing on radio] 81 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,473 [music volume increases] 82 00:03:09,074 --> 00:03:10,454 [Amanda] We're here! 83 00:03:10,554 --> 00:03:12,494 Christmas has officially started. 84 00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:14,214 Kids, off your phones now, please. 85 00:03:14,314 --> 00:03:15,974 Eat your heart out, Downton Abbey. 86 00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:17,575 Oh, hardly. 87 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,335 It's only 11 acres and a ha-ha. 88 00:03:19,435 --> 00:03:20,935 Why is that funny? 89 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,135 No, a ha-ha. It's like a giant ditch. 90 00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:25,455 You should know what a ha-ha is, you're a gardener. 91 00:03:25,555 --> 00:03:28,995 Oh, yeah. I've seen loads of ha-has in Ha-Harlesden. 92 00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:32,936 Oh, look! 93 00:03:33,036 --> 00:03:35,256 She's put the reindeer out for the kids. 94 00:03:35,356 --> 00:03:37,896 Mummy, do you remember when Bumble the Shetland tried to mount one? 95 00:03:37,996 --> 00:03:39,096 [chuckles] 96 00:03:39,196 --> 00:03:41,096 God, that was funny. 97 00:03:41,196 --> 00:03:43,257 This is why I don't go to therapy. 98 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,357 Some memories are best repressed. 99 00:03:47,317 --> 00:03:49,617 [Amanda] Get the bags! Here we go! Look at the reindeer! 100 00:03:49,717 --> 00:03:52,377 Okay, come on, come on, let's have a bit of festive cheer! 101 00:03:52,477 --> 00:03:53,577 [doorbell rings] 102 00:03:53,677 --> 00:03:55,298 [dogs barking distantly] 103 00:03:55,398 --> 00:03:57,178 Guys, off the phones now, please. 104 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,378 Guys? 105 00:03:59,478 --> 00:04:01,178 - Guys. Right, give me those. - Dad just gave us those. 106 00:04:01,278 --> 00:04:02,738 - What? - They're from Dad! 107 00:04:02,838 --> 00:04:04,978 Did we learn nothing from Adolescence? 108 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,579 And, Anne, this is my Christmas happy place. 109 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,879 Please don't be a Debbie Downer. Okay, everyone. 110 00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:11,499 Here we go! 111 00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,939 ♪♪ Ding-dong, merrily on high! ♪♪ 112 00:04:14,039 --> 00:04:18,579 - Oh, I'm so...! [laughs] I'm so sorry! - Oh, what a shock! 113 00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:21,340 - You caught me mid giblets! - [Amanda] Oh, goodness! 114 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,340 - No, not the coat. - Merry Christmas, darling. 115 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,100 I'm so sorry to spring this on you, but there's been a bit of a disaster. 116 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,100 Is it cool if my mum-friend, Anne, joins us? 117 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,380 - This her? - Yes. 118 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,061 Oh, Anne. Of course! 119 00:04:32,161 --> 00:04:34,941 - You look like you need a stiff drink. - Thank you, but, erm...but no. 120 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,181 If I can't be with my family, then what's the point? 121 00:04:37,281 --> 00:04:39,281 Oh, dear girl, come in, come in, come in. 122 00:04:39,761 --> 00:04:42,261 - Divorce, is it? - No. Storm Geraldine. 123 00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:43,822 - Storm Gerald-- - Merry Christmas. 124 00:04:43,922 --> 00:04:46,202 Oh, for me? Wow! [chuckles] 125 00:04:47,202 --> 00:04:48,782 - No! - Manus, Georgie! 126 00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:51,062 - No, no, no, no! I don't believe it! - [Amanda] I know! 127 00:04:51,162 --> 00:04:53,982 - Oh, no, I won't touch them. - No, don't. Don't touch them. 128 00:04:54,082 --> 00:04:55,542 - We'll hug in a moment. Come in! - Yes. 129 00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:57,943 - Don't touch, don't touch. - Oh, they're gorgeous. 130 00:04:58,043 --> 00:04:59,543 - Gorgeous! - [Mal] All right. 131 00:04:59,643 --> 00:05:01,823 - The last of the bags. - Thank you, Mal. That's great. 132 00:05:01,923 --> 00:05:03,423 You didn't say you were bringing a lover. 133 00:05:03,523 --> 00:05:05,503 - Amanda's my neighbour. - Mal lives in my cellar. 134 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:07,263 - I just drove her here. - He drove us here. 135 00:05:07,363 --> 00:05:08,864 Oh, yes, wink, wink, wink! 136 00:05:08,964 --> 00:05:12,064 - The more, the merrier. - No, no. He has plans. It's okay. 137 00:05:12,164 --> 00:05:14,424 - You've got plans? - I was going to use your loo, if I may, 138 00:05:14,524 --> 00:05:17,144 before I nip off. I've got a date with John McClane. 139 00:05:17,244 --> 00:05:20,345 John McClane? Oh, fantastic. You're a homosexual? 140 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,025 It's a Die Hard reference. I was going to watch it with a curry. 141 00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:24,785 Oh, God, how ghastly. [laughs] 142 00:05:24,885 --> 00:05:27,345 - You will stay for a pre-prandial. Come on! - Joany... 143 00:05:27,445 --> 00:05:31,065 - What's a pre-prandial? - It's a posh word for a drink. Yeah. 144 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,066 ♪♪ 145 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,506 Yeah, Okay, Pat, can you put Chris back on? 146 00:05:35,606 --> 00:05:39,346 So, I have an alert set up on my phone for when the flights reopen 147 00:05:39,446 --> 00:05:42,866 and if you could just have everyone there checking the internet... 148 00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,506 Where should I put my coat, Gan-Gan? 149 00:05:44,606 --> 00:05:47,827 Keep it on. This house is bloody freezing. 150 00:05:47,927 --> 00:05:49,547 [Amanda] Isn't it magical? 151 00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:53,747 It's giving hardcore Narnia vibes, right? 152 00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:56,467 I mean, wow. 153 00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,568 That's what I call a tree. 154 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,568 [inhales deeply] 155 00:06:02,408 --> 00:06:03,868 Is it plastic? 156 00:06:03,968 --> 00:06:05,908 Oh, my God, has she still got that? 157 00:06:06,008 --> 00:06:08,068 Daddy bought that in the '70s. 158 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,109 - Probably the newest thing in this place. - [Amanda] How odd. 159 00:06:11,209 --> 00:06:14,149 I distinctly remember the scent of pine needles. 160 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,949 No, this house smells the way it's always smelt-- 161 00:06:17,049 --> 00:06:19,689 damp, dogs, desperation. 162 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:26,270 Now, I've been absolutely dying for you to arrive. 163 00:06:26,370 --> 00:06:29,110 I've got everything in. We've got some olives over there, 164 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,950 there's this trout pâté. 165 00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,710 We've got mini quiches, prawn vol-au-vents, 166 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,951 and these really fun things from Marks and Spencer's! 167 00:06:36,051 --> 00:06:37,991 Mini burgers! Have you seen these? 168 00:06:38,091 --> 00:06:40,671 Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Ludo. 169 00:06:40,771 --> 00:06:44,731 No, no, no. We'll have to clean that one up, won't we? [chuckles] 170 00:06:45,331 --> 00:06:46,872 - [Amanda] Joany? - Hmm? 171 00:06:46,972 --> 00:06:48,552 - Where shall I put the pavlova? - [gasps] 172 00:06:48,652 --> 00:06:50,632 - Is that Granny Gussie's recipe? - Yes, it is. 173 00:06:50,732 --> 00:06:53,152 Minus the powdered egg. I thought it might be fun 174 00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:56,312 to recreate that famous pudding photo 175 00:06:56,412 --> 00:06:58,152 from that amazing Christmas. 176 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,393 - Yes. I've got it in the album. - What do you think? 177 00:07:00,493 --> 00:07:01,953 - Let me look for the album. - Yes, dig it out. 178 00:07:02,053 --> 00:07:05,513 Everybody, dig in. Flick, devilled egg? 179 00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:06,953 Have a devilled egg. 180 00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:08,153 Flick, devilled. Egg, egg! 181 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,593 Flick, devilled egg! 182 00:07:09,693 --> 00:07:11,634 - Flick, devilled... - Fine! 183 00:07:11,734 --> 00:07:13,154 I'll have a devilled egg. 184 00:07:13,254 --> 00:07:15,274 Now, I think it's under here somewhere. 185 00:07:15,374 --> 00:07:17,774 [grunts] Now, where's that famous photo? 186 00:07:18,694 --> 00:07:20,694 [sighs] 187 00:07:22,214 --> 00:07:23,755 - [Amanda gasps] Oh! - Oh, yes! 188 00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:25,915 Now, look at that, look at that. There it is. 189 00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:28,115 [Amanda] Look at Gan-Gan! What a hotty. 190 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,035 Is that you, Mum? 191 00:07:30,135 --> 00:07:32,435 Yep, that was me pre-blossom. 192 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,375 Just on my cusp of discovering Clearasil and Wonderbras. 193 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,676 Oh, my goodness, look at that, I'm wearing the same jumper. 194 00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:41,956 Oh, Joan, no, stop! That's perfect! 195 00:07:42,056 --> 00:07:44,156 I thought it'd be really fun to re-stage the photo 196 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,716 - with Manus and George. - Ooh! 197 00:07:45,816 --> 00:07:48,357 The Hemsworth brothers did one sitting on their mum's lap, 198 00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:50,277 and it pretty much broke the internet. 199 00:07:50,377 --> 00:07:53,157 I remember the Hemsworth brothers. 200 00:07:53,257 --> 00:07:55,677 Hemsworth brothers. Yes, you stepped out with one. 201 00:07:55,777 --> 00:07:58,597 They had their tractor dealership in Ampney St Peter. 202 00:07:58,697 --> 00:08:00,157 That was the Hemswood brothers. 203 00:08:00,257 --> 00:08:01,638 Hemswood... 204 00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:03,118 Yeah, I slept with all three of them. 205 00:08:03,218 --> 00:08:04,478 Oh! Well done, you. 206 00:08:04,578 --> 00:08:05,558 And the father. 207 00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:07,638 - Mummy... - [Joan] Oh, jolly good. 208 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,038 Now, drinky poos. 209 00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:11,518 Ah! Oh, damn. 210 00:08:11,618 --> 00:08:14,199 What's that? What's in those ones? 211 00:08:14,299 --> 00:08:16,299 Oh, is that you, Flick? 212 00:08:16,739 --> 00:08:18,739 [angry whisper] No-one must see those! 213 00:08:19,139 --> 00:08:21,139 Yep, yep, yep, yep. 214 00:08:24,219 --> 00:08:26,220 What the...? 215 00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,460 This house is literally freezing. 216 00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:36,520 [Anne] My family will be back from Mass about now. 217 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:39,401 Do you think Jesus will punish me for missing his birthday? 218 00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:41,841 You know what you need, Anne? Sloe gin. 219 00:08:41,941 --> 00:08:43,961 Very good for melancholia. 220 00:08:44,061 --> 00:08:45,761 The night my father died, I drank two bottles. 221 00:08:45,861 --> 00:08:47,481 Was right as rain in the morning. 222 00:08:47,581 --> 00:08:49,922 I... I suppose I could have a small glass, 223 00:08:50,022 --> 00:08:52,002 just to steady the nerves, because, erm... 224 00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,522 I don't think I've ever done a Christmas without my family... 225 00:08:54,622 --> 00:08:56,242 - [cries] - No, no, no. None of that, now. 226 00:08:56,342 --> 00:08:58,342 Come on, get that down your gullet. 227 00:09:00,342 --> 00:09:01,562 [exhales] Gah! 228 00:09:01,662 --> 00:09:03,843 - Yes, got a kick to it. - Gah! 229 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,963 That's the 1978 vintage, the year you were born. 230 00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:07,963 - Oh, Aunt Joan... - What do the children want? 231 00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:09,763 What can we get for them? 232 00:09:09,863 --> 00:09:10,923 Uh, do you have any Prime? 233 00:09:11,023 --> 00:09:12,603 - Manus, no... - Prime? 234 00:09:12,703 --> 00:09:14,564 No, don't worry, he'll have a Coca-Cola. 235 00:09:14,664 --> 00:09:16,444 I've got a cola. I've got a can of cola here. 236 00:09:16,544 --> 00:09:19,224 - There we go. [grunting with effort] - [Amanda] Lovely, lovely. 237 00:09:21,904 --> 00:09:24,684 Come on. Oh... 238 00:09:24,784 --> 00:09:26,725 I think that's seen better days. Ludo can have that. 239 00:09:26,825 --> 00:09:29,005 Ludo! Ludo, Ludo, look what's here! 240 00:09:29,105 --> 00:09:31,105 - Look what's here! - [Amanda] Joan. 241 00:09:31,945 --> 00:09:34,805 - I got you a Christmas present. - Oh, no, Amanda. You didn't. 242 00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:36,885 - Yes, it's just a little... - That's marvellous! I don't believe it! 243 00:09:36,985 --> 00:09:39,926 - It's nothing, Joan! - Oh, don't be silly! That's tremendous of you! 244 00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:41,766 Look at that! 245 00:09:41,866 --> 00:09:44,086 Wowee! 246 00:09:44,186 --> 00:09:45,766 Oh! [sniffs] 247 00:09:45,866 --> 00:09:47,166 Oh, my goodness! 248 00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:48,646 No, Joan! It's for the bath. 249 00:09:48,746 --> 00:09:50,046 The ba... Joan... 250 00:09:50,146 --> 00:09:52,887 [gulps] I've swallowed it now. 251 00:09:52,987 --> 00:09:55,167 I'll have a bath later, darling, I'll have a bath later. 252 00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:57,267 Didn't I just gift you that? 253 00:09:57,747 --> 00:09:59,207 Yes. 254 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,967 I loved it so much that I went out and bought 255 00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:04,068 exactly the same one for Aunt Joan. 256 00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:06,768 I need ice in my whisky. 257 00:10:06,868 --> 00:10:08,288 Oh, you'll find plenty in the toilet. 258 00:10:08,388 --> 00:10:10,248 Now, will you come in here and sit down, please? 259 00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,848 Oh, thank you. Erm... 260 00:10:11,948 --> 00:10:13,448 - I was actually going to hit the road. - No, no, no. 261 00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:15,888 We're not having you spending the day alone. 262 00:10:15,988 --> 00:10:18,569 You and Anne are our Christmas guests of honour, so sit. 263 00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:21,329 I've got a goose to go and get out of the oven. 264 00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:24,689 I've never been anyone's Christmas guest of honour before. 265 00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,609 [Anne] This is the same one. 266 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,570 - What the hell is this? - "To Amanda. Love from Anne". 267 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:31,170 I went out and bought exactly the same one for Joan. 268 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,930 - How did this get in here? - I don't know-- 269 00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,410 - [gong clangs] - Luncheon is served! 270 00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:37,370 Ooh! Lovely. Come on! 271 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,691 Oh, uh, those are the photos Gan-Gan doesn't want anyone seeing. 272 00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:42,791 - Hmm. - [Amanda] Come on, boys! 273 00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:46,271 [Amanda] Mm, I'm hungry. 274 00:10:47,151 --> 00:10:49,771 Look, tell him, yes, it's a larger box, 275 00:10:49,871 --> 00:10:51,611 but it's actually the same value gift, 276 00:10:51,711 --> 00:10:53,692 - because I went by money spent. - Anne. 277 00:10:53,792 --> 00:10:54,972 - Not by volume, okay? - Anne? 278 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,692 - No devices, please. - I have to go. 279 00:10:56,792 --> 00:10:58,792 Okay. 280 00:10:59,352 --> 00:11:01,132 - Anne... - Oh, Mal, don't sit there. 281 00:11:01,232 --> 00:11:04,812 Sorry, cos of the photos. We need to match the old pavlova pic so, yeah. 282 00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:06,413 Mummy needs to sit there. Joan's here. 283 00:11:06,513 --> 00:11:08,733 - Mummy, you're here. - No, I need a clear line to an exit. 284 00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:12,453 Well, it... okay. Well, yeah! We'll... yeah. 285 00:11:12,553 --> 00:11:15,373 - We can all move round for pudding. - [Joan] Here we go! 286 00:11:15,473 --> 00:11:16,973 - Goosey goosey gander! - [all gasp] 287 00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:19,494 Oh, wait, wait. Joan, Joan, stop, stop, stop, stop! 288 00:11:19,594 --> 00:11:22,374 Can you come back out? I want to film it. For the memories! 289 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,014 Just tuck in, tuck in. Tuck in! Tuck in! 290 00:11:24,114 --> 00:11:25,694 Okay, this is going to be so good. 291 00:11:25,794 --> 00:11:27,734 Anne, could you just lean out? Cos the tear stains. 292 00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:30,195 - I just miss my family. - We know, Anne! 293 00:11:31,195 --> 00:11:32,215 - And, yes. - [phone beeps] 294 00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:33,935 Goosey goosey gander! 295 00:11:34,035 --> 00:11:36,695 - Whoo, look at that! - Well, dig in. 296 00:11:36,795 --> 00:11:39,295 We've got a side of beef, Yorkshires, a ham, 297 00:11:39,395 --> 00:11:40,855 and some little piggies in blankets. 298 00:11:40,955 --> 00:11:42,976 - Mum... - Just eat it. It's Christmas. 299 00:11:43,076 --> 00:11:44,576 Hmm? What? 300 00:11:44,676 --> 00:11:46,676 I'm vegan. 301 00:11:47,596 --> 00:11:50,336 - Oh, shit. Are you? - It's fine, I'll just eat the veg. 302 00:11:50,436 --> 00:11:52,256 No, you will not just eat the veg. 303 00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:53,696 Not on my watch you won't. 304 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,257 I tell you what, I'll... I'll rustle up a... 305 00:11:56,357 --> 00:11:58,017 a souffle! 306 00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,737 Oh, God. Joan... 307 00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:02,777 Do you see what I mean? It's just too much. 308 00:12:02,877 --> 00:12:05,777 She's just trying to make us all happy, Mummy. 309 00:12:05,877 --> 00:12:10,418 Anne, did you-- Did you notice the stuffed stoat in the hallway? 310 00:12:10,518 --> 00:12:12,918 - No. - No? Oh, let me show you quickly. 311 00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,778 - I'm not that into stoats. - Yes. But, erm, 312 00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:19,098 honestly, I think you'll find this one very interesting. 313 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:21,199 Come on. 314 00:12:23,199 --> 00:12:25,779 Yeah, I don't know who told you that I was into stoats. 315 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,099 But, actually, this one is... is quite unusual. 316 00:12:28,199 --> 00:12:31,019 Okay, listen, forget the stoat. I just saw some pictures of Felicity 317 00:12:31,119 --> 00:12:32,740 I wasn't supposed to see, 318 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,620 and now I can't unsee what I saw. 319 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,140 God, they weren't nudies, were they? 320 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,420 No, they're not nudies. 321 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,780 Is anyone wearing a Nazi uniform? 322 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,120 No! There's no Nazis. Just look. 323 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,601 Ooh. Blimey O'Reilly, is that...? 324 00:12:46,321 --> 00:12:49,221 Is that Felicity and... Sir Mick Jagger? 325 00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:51,341 Yes. Looks like they're on holiday together. 326 00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,901 Jesus, he was such a ride back then. 327 00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:55,781 Yeah, it looks like he was riding Felicity. 328 00:12:55,881 --> 00:12:57,742 O-M-G. Is... 329 00:12:57,842 --> 00:12:58,902 - Is she pregnant? - Yes! 330 00:12:59,002 --> 00:13:01,782 And, look, he's holding her stomach. 331 00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:02,902 - Hmm. - And... 332 00:13:03,002 --> 00:13:05,002 "Summer of '77." 333 00:13:06,242 --> 00:13:08,563 - Joan just said that Amanda was born in '78. - Uh-huh. 334 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,423 You don't think Sir Mick Jagger is... 335 00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:12,943 Mm... 336 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,943 No. No, no, no. 337 00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:16,503 - Don't be ridiculous. - What? 338 00:13:16,603 --> 00:13:18,023 I've seen enough episodes of Ally McBeal to know 339 00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:20,663 - this is all purely circumstantial evidence. - Oh... 340 00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,424 Just cos it goes clip-clop doesn't mean it's a zebra. 341 00:13:23,524 --> 00:13:25,924 Guys, come on! We're about to eat. 342 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:30,024 ♪♪ 343 00:13:30,124 --> 00:13:32,124 [lively chatter] 344 00:13:33,485 --> 00:13:35,465 Let me get this on first. 345 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,685 I need my glasses on. Here we go, joke! 346 00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:41,745 "Why didn't Santa pay for his sleigh?" 347 00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:44,865 Why didn't Santa have to pay for his sleigh? 348 00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:46,266 "Because it was on the house." 349 00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:48,366 [laughing] 350 00:13:48,686 --> 00:13:51,266 - Ah... That's so bad, it's actually quite good. - What? 351 00:13:51,366 --> 00:13:52,866 [Joan] I've got another joke! 352 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,786 How do you titillate an ocelot? 353 00:13:54,886 --> 00:13:57,106 I've no idea, Joan. How do you titillate an ocelot? 354 00:13:57,206 --> 00:13:58,787 You oscillate its tits a lot. 355 00:13:58,887 --> 00:13:59,787 [laughing] 356 00:13:59,887 --> 00:14:01,027 Oh, that's funny! 357 00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:02,627 Oh, dear... 358 00:14:02,727 --> 00:14:03,907 Not like she bloody wrote it. 359 00:14:04,007 --> 00:14:06,267 - Go on, Flick. Your turn! - If I must. 360 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,067 - Here we go. - Whooooo! Whoopee! 361 00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,748 Mummy, put the hat on. You'll need it for the pavlova photo. 362 00:14:10,848 --> 00:14:12,028 No, I don't do paper hats. 363 00:14:12,128 --> 00:14:14,068 Flick, do the joke. Where's the joke? 364 00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:16,228 - I don't do jokes! - Come on, Mummy, it's Christmas! 365 00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:19,468 Come on, Flick! [chanting] Flick! Flick! Flick! 366 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,108 - [chanting] Gan-Gan! Gan-Gan! - Flick! Flick! Flick! 367 00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:25,289 [chanting] Do the joke! Do the joke! Do the joke! Do the joke! 368 00:14:26,129 --> 00:14:27,429 - Come on! - [sighs] 369 00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:29,549 "What is the coldest country in the world?" 370 00:14:29,649 --> 00:14:34,109 [all] I don't know! What is the coldest country in the world? 371 00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:36,070 Russia. 372 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,170 Wait... 373 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,670 Uh, I think you're reading the trivia there, Felicity. 374 00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,770 [all laughing] 375 00:14:44,210 --> 00:14:45,670 [Amanda] Oh, Mummy! 376 00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,871 Where are you going, Mummy? We haven't done the photo. 377 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,151 I'm going to watch the King's Speech. 378 00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:53,791 Ooh, is it that time? I love the King's Speech, brilliant! 379 00:14:53,891 --> 00:14:56,551 Everyone fill a glass, let's go and sit soft. 380 00:14:56,651 --> 00:14:58,111 We can do the pavlova after. 381 00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,712 Flick! Flick! Darling, wait for us, wait for us! 382 00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:03,232 Where's Ludo? Ludo! 383 00:15:03,332 --> 00:15:04,832 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 384 00:15:04,932 --> 00:15:06,992 [orchestral music playing] 385 00:15:07,092 --> 00:15:11,713 [all] ♪♪ Send him victorious ♪♪ 386 00:15:11,813 --> 00:15:16,633 ♪♪ Happy and glorious ♪♪ 387 00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:22,353 ♪♪ Long to reign over us ♪♪ 388 00:15:22,453 --> 00:15:27,514 [harmonising shrilly] ♪♪ God save the King! ♪♪ 389 00:15:27,614 --> 00:15:30,274 Very good. Very good, well done! 390 00:15:30,374 --> 00:15:32,954 - [Mal sighs] - Oh, Anne. There we go! 391 00:15:33,054 --> 00:15:35,954 I have to say, this is the most delicious Cava I have ever drank. 392 00:15:36,054 --> 00:15:38,275 Oh, darling Anne, it's not Cava. It's champagne. 393 00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:39,835 - Real champagne? - Yes. 394 00:15:39,935 --> 00:15:41,715 - From France? - Yes. 395 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,435 I've never had French champagne from France before. 396 00:15:44,535 --> 00:15:47,595 Stop fussing, I can't see the television. 397 00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,696 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! 398 00:15:50,336 --> 00:15:52,316 I think Joan is lovely. 399 00:15:52,416 --> 00:15:54,076 Classic Stockholm syndrome. 400 00:15:54,176 --> 00:15:57,276 Are you a big fan of the royal family, Felicity? 401 00:15:57,376 --> 00:15:59,516 Oh, I've met a few of them. Camilla's a laugh. 402 00:15:59,616 --> 00:16:04,037 Probably met a few members of the rock royal family in your time? 403 00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:07,257 Well, I once lived next door but one to Chris de Burgh. 404 00:16:08,257 --> 00:16:11,237 - Er, right! Pavlova time! - Oh, finally! 405 00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,478 - Get the camera! - I don't want pavlova. 406 00:16:13,578 --> 00:16:16,358 Mummy, you can't always get what you want. 407 00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:20,718 Uh... Um, actually, I can't think of food for a bit, Amanda. 408 00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,078 I overdid it on the parsnips. 409 00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:24,038 You don't have to eat it! It's just a photo! 410 00:16:24,138 --> 00:16:26,999 Oh! I know what we'll do. We'll have a parlour game while we all digest. 411 00:16:27,099 --> 00:16:29,079 Who'd like a round of Are You There, Moriarty? 412 00:16:29,179 --> 00:16:30,999 - Oh... - I don't know what that is. 413 00:16:31,099 --> 00:16:33,839 What about, um, Ho Ha Hee? Do you know that? 414 00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:36,119 - Do you know The Minister's Cat? - No, I don't. No. 415 00:16:36,219 --> 00:16:38,320 - Pass the Slipper? Fan The Candle? - No. 416 00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:40,880 You must know Hot Cockles? Hot Cockles! 417 00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,600 - I don't know that one! - Elephant's Foot? 418 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:45,180 Oh, for God's sake, why don't we just play hide and seek?! 419 00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:48,480 - Oh, that's a terrific idea. - Okay, yes, that'll be so much fun. 420 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:51,121 Well done, that girl. I'll count 50. 421 00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:52,441 - Off you go! - Off we go! 422 00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:54,721 And then after this we'll do the pavlova photo. 423 00:16:54,821 --> 00:16:56,321 Right, I'll start now, come on! One... 424 00:16:56,421 --> 00:16:59,161 - Joan! - I've started, two... 425 00:16:59,261 --> 00:17:01,261 I've started, three... 426 00:17:01,981 --> 00:17:05,242 - Anything to get away from her. - Four! Better hurry. 427 00:17:05,342 --> 00:17:06,842 Five... 428 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,762 Six. 429 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,802 seven. 430 00:17:09,902 --> 00:17:10,962 - Eight. - There. 431 00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:13,362 Nine... Ten... 432 00:17:13,462 --> 00:17:16,403 I know, Chris, but I don't know what you expect me to do about it. 433 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,543 I can't make him put on his shoe, I'm 300 miles away! 434 00:17:20,703 --> 00:17:22,703 Look, I really have to go. 435 00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:26,603 Bloody 'ell. 436 00:17:26,703 --> 00:17:29,004 Other people's Christmases are mental. 437 00:17:29,104 --> 00:17:30,524 When are we going to tell her? 438 00:17:30,624 --> 00:17:32,204 What?! Absolutely never. 439 00:17:32,304 --> 00:17:33,964 It's not our family secret, 440 00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:35,804 so we're going to forget we ever saw those photos. 441 00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:37,684 But we did see those photos, Mal. 442 00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:39,965 And I really think Amanda deserves to know! 443 00:17:40,065 --> 00:17:42,365 - [door creaking] - What do I deserve to know? 444 00:17:42,465 --> 00:17:43,925 What the hell...? You're hiding! 445 00:17:44,025 --> 00:17:45,805 Yeah, we're playing hide and seek. 446 00:17:45,905 --> 00:17:47,905 What do I deserve to know? 447 00:17:48,945 --> 00:17:50,725 - Ask Mal. - Oh, thanks, Anne! 448 00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:53,346 - Will someone tell me what's going on? - Just show her the photos. 449 00:17:59,986 --> 00:18:04,047 Are these pictures of my mum on holiday? 450 00:18:04,147 --> 00:18:05,567 What's the big deal? 451 00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,607 - Look who she's with. - [shocked laugh] 452 00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:09,087 - Is that Mick Jagger? - Mm-hm. 453 00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:12,567 Mummy, you minx! Sitting on Mick's lap. 454 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,887 I sat on Prince Harry's lap when I was in Mahiki once. 455 00:18:14,987 --> 00:18:17,208 Did I get a mention in the book? 456 00:18:17,308 --> 00:18:21,248 Oh, my God, she's pregnant. 457 00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:23,528 - That's hardly a secret. - Keep looking. 458 00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:25,628 [gasps] 459 00:18:26,068 --> 00:18:27,408 - She's smoking! - No. 460 00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:29,449 - No? No? - No. 461 00:18:29,549 --> 00:18:31,529 - Look at the date on the back of the photo. - Okay. 462 00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:32,969 And look who's holding the bump. 463 00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:35,889 No. No way. 464 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,849 [whispering] No way... 465 00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:40,949 Is my father... 466 00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:43,730 [Joan] 49, 50! 467 00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:46,010 - Ready or not, here I come! - Quick, hide! 468 00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:47,730 Oh, Jesus! Er, okay. 469 00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,610 Mal... I feel... 470 00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,450 I'm actually feeling a bit... 471 00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:53,010 [Mal] Is that an airing cupboard? 472 00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:54,771 Okay, er... 473 00:18:54,871 --> 00:18:57,091 [chuckles] 474 00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:59,631 They're probably quite close, they're probably quite close. 475 00:19:03,431 --> 00:19:06,072 Oh, God, I need a snifter! 476 00:19:08,592 --> 00:19:10,592 [exhales] 477 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,552 [groans] 478 00:19:19,553 --> 00:19:21,553 [giggling] Shh! 479 00:19:23,633 --> 00:19:27,293 - [whispered] Mal, look. Uh... - Uh-huh. 480 00:19:27,393 --> 00:19:28,733 - It's so weird, isn't it? - Mm-hmm. 481 00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:29,933 When you look at us together. 482 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:33,654 Mal, look. Mal, look! Mal! 483 00:19:33,754 --> 00:19:37,534 - Can you open that door, please? I need some air. - This is insane! 484 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,454 I mean, it's a shock, but it's also not a shock, you know? 485 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,454 Because it explains a lot. 486 00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:45,295 I mean, I wonder if the man I thought was my father 487 00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:48,715 ever knew the truth? Poor Daddy. 488 00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:51,715 This must be why my parents divorced. 489 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,575 Maybe Joan told him? 490 00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:57,016 That must be why we never see Joan. 491 00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:59,116 [Anne] That sounds about right. 492 00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:02,676 Can you just pull my sleeve, please? I've got to get some layers off. 493 00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:07,757 - Shh, shh, shh. She's coming. - Who? Oh... 494 00:20:10,597 --> 00:20:12,637 [singsong] Where are you?! 495 00:20:13,717 --> 00:20:15,777 That one's locked. 496 00:20:15,877 --> 00:20:17,817 Can't get under there. 497 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,918 [someone breaks wind] 498 00:20:22,518 --> 00:20:24,298 [chuckles quietly] 499 00:20:24,398 --> 00:20:25,858 Ha-ha! 500 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,738 Hoisted by your own petard, there, Anne, I think. 501 00:20:28,838 --> 00:20:30,138 Oh, my goodness! 502 00:20:30,238 --> 00:20:31,899 My system's not used to champagne. 503 00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:33,699 No. Come on, more to find. 504 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,799 [mobile phone vibrates] 505 00:20:37,919 --> 00:20:39,919 Oh, what is it now?! 506 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,679 Yes. I need another little snifter. 507 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,780 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 508 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,580 Oh! Gotcha! 509 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,260 Please don't tell Mum! 510 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:53,780 [whispering] I won't if you won't. 511 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,260 Shh! 512 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,261 [banging from above] 513 00:20:57,361 --> 00:20:59,361 Oh, upstairs! 514 00:21:00,441 --> 00:21:02,481 I am on my way! 515 00:21:04,321 --> 00:21:07,661 - Ah, I fainted. I fainted. - [Amanda] Oh, God. 516 00:21:07,761 --> 00:21:10,942 Oh, ding-dong! Christmas comes but once a year. [laughs] 517 00:21:11,042 --> 00:21:13,022 Do you know, I knew you two were lovebirds. 518 00:21:13,122 --> 00:21:14,662 We're not! He just drove us here. 519 00:21:14,762 --> 00:21:17,362 No, no, it was so hot in there I had to take some clothes off. 520 00:21:18,762 --> 00:21:21,463 Cat's out the bag, Joany. I've seen the photos. 521 00:21:21,563 --> 00:21:23,503 - Oh. - Yeah. 522 00:21:23,603 --> 00:21:25,383 Spill the tea. 523 00:21:25,483 --> 00:21:28,103 Right. Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time. 524 00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:31,223 But, listen, you're going to have to speak to your mother about those. 525 00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:32,343 Where is she? 526 00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:33,504 I'm buggered if I know, 527 00:21:33,604 --> 00:21:34,824 cos I've searched the whole house. 528 00:21:34,924 --> 00:21:36,744 Oh, darling, you stay with your paramour. 529 00:21:36,844 --> 00:21:38,584 - Oh, have you finished? - No, no, stop, Joan! 530 00:21:38,684 --> 00:21:40,584 Can I have some water, please? 531 00:21:40,684 --> 00:21:43,424 [Joan] Don't panic, that's all I'm going to say. 532 00:21:43,524 --> 00:21:45,524 - I don't think you should... - Mummy?! 533 00:21:47,445 --> 00:21:49,985 Right, okay, let's split up. I'll take the lawn. 534 00:21:50,085 --> 00:21:52,505 - Joan, you do the meadow... - Meadow. Right. 535 00:21:52,605 --> 00:21:54,785 ...and, Anne, you and the kids check the drive. 536 00:21:54,885 --> 00:21:56,885 - Come on, Ludo! Meadow! - Okay! 537 00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:00,426 [Mal] Felicity! 538 00:22:00,526 --> 00:22:03,026 - [Manus] Gan-Gan! - Mummy! 539 00:22:03,126 --> 00:22:06,326 Would you look at this? Huh? Christmas night. 540 00:22:07,406 --> 00:22:10,747 I'd still be doing the washing-up at home if I was there right now, yeah. 541 00:22:10,847 --> 00:22:13,347 Not standing here... 542 00:22:13,447 --> 00:22:14,667 looking at the stars. 543 00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,187 [mobile phone chimes] 544 00:22:16,287 --> 00:22:18,187 Sorry, hang on. Sorry. 545 00:22:18,287 --> 00:22:19,307 Oh, God. 546 00:22:19,407 --> 00:22:22,067 - Oh! Great. - [Manus] What? 547 00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,668 There's a flight out of Heathrow tonight. 548 00:22:24,768 --> 00:22:27,268 - Well, that's good news, isn't it? - Yeah! 549 00:22:27,368 --> 00:22:30,728 [clears throat] Great... err great... Yes. Um... 550 00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:35,229 All I have to do now is just, um... 551 00:22:35,329 --> 00:22:37,309 click this link to confirm. 552 00:22:37,409 --> 00:22:40,709 Oh, no! Would you look at that? My phone's after running out of battery. 553 00:22:40,809 --> 00:22:43,069 Oh, no, what a shame! 554 00:22:43,169 --> 00:22:46,909 Oh! I just guess it wasn't meant to be, huh? 555 00:22:47,009 --> 00:22:49,150 What a bummer. 556 00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:52,590 Just going to have to end up staying here. Yeah. 557 00:22:52,690 --> 00:22:54,870 Hey, do you know what? 558 00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:57,270 I'm going to go for a walk! 559 00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:58,510 Yeah! 560 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:00,611 [Mal] Felicity! 561 00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:04,291 Bloody 'ell, this stuff is better than Cava! 562 00:23:04,811 --> 00:23:06,431 Felicity! 563 00:23:06,531 --> 00:23:09,771 According to Wikipedia, I have eight brothers and sisters. 564 00:23:12,292 --> 00:23:15,252 Jade Jagger came in once when I was at Quo Vadis. 565 00:23:16,372 --> 00:23:18,152 I wonder, did she know? 566 00:23:18,252 --> 00:23:20,252 Felicity! 567 00:23:21,092 --> 00:23:24,473 It's mad to think I could be spending next Christmas with them in Turks and Caicos. 568 00:23:24,573 --> 00:23:25,873 - [shrieks] - [body thuds] 569 00:23:25,973 --> 00:23:27,713 Whoa! Amanda! 570 00:23:27,813 --> 00:23:28,873 Ow! 571 00:23:28,973 --> 00:23:31,153 I just fell in the ha-ha! 572 00:23:31,253 --> 00:23:32,753 [laughing] Are you all right? 573 00:23:32,853 --> 00:23:34,873 Yes, I am all right, Mal! 574 00:23:34,973 --> 00:23:36,513 Why are you laughing? 575 00:23:36,613 --> 00:23:38,234 You fell in the... [laughs] 576 00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:39,834 Who falls in a ha-ha? 577 00:23:39,934 --> 00:23:41,714 Stop it! It's not funny! 578 00:23:41,814 --> 00:23:43,814 You fell in a ha-ha, come on! 579 00:23:44,494 --> 00:23:46,354 Get up! [laughs] 580 00:23:46,454 --> 00:23:49,515 - Amanda! So sorry... - Oh, my God! 581 00:23:49,615 --> 00:23:51,955 Oh, you know what? Thank you so much for today. 582 00:23:52,055 --> 00:23:53,435 [laughs] 583 00:23:53,535 --> 00:23:54,995 Really. 584 00:23:55,095 --> 00:23:58,495 It beats lying on a couch with a curry in Harlesden. 585 00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:03,516 [barking] 586 00:24:03,616 --> 00:24:05,356 Is that Joan's dog? 587 00:24:05,456 --> 00:24:07,636 Mummy? 588 00:24:07,736 --> 00:24:09,116 Mummy! 589 00:24:09,216 --> 00:24:10,636 Felicity! 590 00:24:10,736 --> 00:24:13,056 [chuckling] Stuck in a ha-ha! 591 00:24:14,297 --> 00:24:16,297 [Amanda] What? Ludo, wait, wait! 592 00:24:17,257 --> 00:24:19,277 - Ludo! - [whining] 593 00:24:19,377 --> 00:24:20,957 - Huh? - [barks] 594 00:24:21,057 --> 00:24:23,377 Oh! What do you say? 595 00:24:24,617 --> 00:24:26,618 [barks] 596 00:24:27,698 --> 00:24:29,698 Aha... 597 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:32,118 [barking continues] 598 00:24:32,218 --> 00:24:34,318 Aha! Very "Away In A Manger." 599 00:24:34,418 --> 00:24:35,598 - [Felicity] Oh! - [laughing] 600 00:24:35,698 --> 00:24:37,518 I knew it was too good to last. 601 00:24:37,618 --> 00:24:40,359 Well, you're the last one to be found, so that makes you the winner! 602 00:24:40,459 --> 00:24:41,999 Yes, bravo that girl. 603 00:24:42,099 --> 00:24:44,559 I tell you what, I could do you a big scoop of the Stilton 604 00:24:44,659 --> 00:24:46,079 and I'll crack open a bottle of port. 605 00:24:46,179 --> 00:24:47,679 - Stop. - We don't have to have port. 606 00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:49,519 Just stop talking. Please. 607 00:24:49,619 --> 00:24:52,320 - It's too much. - It's Christmas. It's supposed to be too much. 608 00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:53,880 No. You're too much. 609 00:24:53,980 --> 00:24:56,400 All the joie de vivre, and endless glee and everything, 610 00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,640 it's just... It's just... 611 00:24:57,740 --> 00:24:59,740 Just stop. Please. 612 00:25:01,340 --> 00:25:03,341 Okay. 613 00:25:05,221 --> 00:25:07,221 I shall stop. 614 00:25:10,061 --> 00:25:12,061 Oh... 615 00:25:12,901 --> 00:25:14,921 - Please don't cry. - I'm not crying. 616 00:25:15,021 --> 00:25:16,842 Come on, Joany. 617 00:25:16,942 --> 00:25:18,642 This is what happens when you stop-- 618 00:25:18,742 --> 00:25:21,002 the old black dog creeps in and... 619 00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:23,962 Come on, pull yourself together. Pull yourself together, Joan. 620 00:25:24,062 --> 00:25:26,242 Why are you being like this? 621 00:25:26,342 --> 00:25:27,843 Well, because of you, Flick. 622 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:29,323 What nonsense. 623 00:25:29,423 --> 00:25:32,083 Do you remember what they used to call us 624 00:25:32,183 --> 00:25:35,403 on that ghastly old debutante circuit, hmm? 625 00:25:35,503 --> 00:25:38,923 "Great Hair and The Spare." 626 00:25:39,023 --> 00:25:40,964 [chortles] Actually, that's rather good. 627 00:25:41,064 --> 00:25:44,124 Yes, it was all about the beautiful Felicity Wyndham, 628 00:25:44,224 --> 00:25:47,164 and I was just the podgy little sister. 629 00:25:47,264 --> 00:25:50,124 So I decided to be the life and soul of the party. 630 00:25:50,224 --> 00:25:54,305 Hostess with the mostest, the last one standing at the barn dance. 631 00:25:56,105 --> 00:26:00,905 And I can tell you something-- after 60 bloody years, it's exhausting! 632 00:26:02,385 --> 00:26:04,526 Why didn't you ever say anything before? 633 00:26:04,626 --> 00:26:06,366 Oh... 634 00:26:06,466 --> 00:26:09,006 Well, it took Amanda to twist your arm to get you down here. 635 00:26:09,106 --> 00:26:10,286 - Mummy?! - Oh, it's her. 636 00:26:10,386 --> 00:26:11,806 - Oh! - Yep... 637 00:26:11,906 --> 00:26:13,906 Yes, we're here, we're here! 638 00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:16,506 Oh... [chuckles] 639 00:26:17,627 --> 00:26:19,727 There she is. 640 00:26:19,827 --> 00:26:22,647 You know, I've spent the whole day 641 00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:24,967 trying to recreate the perfect family Christmas. 642 00:26:25,067 --> 00:26:29,528 But it turns out my whole life has been a lie. 643 00:26:29,628 --> 00:26:32,728 Oh, for God's sake, Amanda. Stop being so melodramatic. 644 00:26:32,828 --> 00:26:35,248 Look, let's go inside and do your moment with the pavlova. 645 00:26:35,348 --> 00:26:37,088 - Yes! - No, Mummy. 646 00:26:37,188 --> 00:26:39,368 I know your secret. 647 00:26:39,468 --> 00:26:40,808 And I know Joan knows. 648 00:26:40,908 --> 00:26:42,689 And that's why you didn't want to come here. 649 00:26:42,789 --> 00:26:46,069 Because you were worried she'd... spill the beans. 650 00:26:48,069 --> 00:26:50,069 [Felicity] What is she talking about? 651 00:26:51,269 --> 00:26:54,350 Mummy, I've seen the photos. 652 00:26:55,110 --> 00:26:58,270 I have in my hand the proof. 653 00:27:00,470 --> 00:27:02,710 I'm Sir Mick Jagger's love child. 654 00:27:04,670 --> 00:27:07,671 [both cackling] 655 00:27:07,991 --> 00:27:11,111 What?! Give those to me! Give those to me. 656 00:27:12,351 --> 00:27:14,351 [cackling intensifies] 657 00:27:15,431 --> 00:27:17,431 That's not Mick Jagger! 658 00:27:18,071 --> 00:27:19,852 - That's our cousin Rosamund. - Oh, God! 659 00:27:19,952 --> 00:27:21,932 I mean, she was rather Jaggeresque, don't you think, 660 00:27:22,032 --> 00:27:23,772 with the slim hips and everything. 661 00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:25,972 - Did you get her round robin this year? - [Joan] No. 662 00:27:26,072 --> 00:27:28,092 - They had to put down Pinky. - Oh, no. 663 00:27:28,192 --> 00:27:31,493 So if Mick Jagger isn't holding your pregnant belly, then what is the big deal? 664 00:27:31,593 --> 00:27:34,173 Why didn't you want anyone to see them? 665 00:27:34,273 --> 00:27:37,333 The thing is, I wasn't pregnant in this photograph, I was... 666 00:27:37,433 --> 00:27:39,433 fat. 667 00:27:40,153 --> 00:27:41,933 - What?! - It was the '70s. 668 00:27:42,033 --> 00:27:44,274 I'd just discovered Black Forest gateau. 669 00:27:45,754 --> 00:27:47,534 And that's our big family secret? 670 00:27:47,634 --> 00:27:50,414 That you were once fat for a summer? 671 00:27:50,514 --> 00:27:52,414 Yes. 672 00:27:52,514 --> 00:27:54,654 Though your father rather liked it, 673 00:27:54,754 --> 00:27:58,095 and you were conceived on that holiday. 674 00:27:58,195 --> 00:28:00,195 Oh, God! 675 00:28:02,075 --> 00:28:04,815 I've just sent Georgia May Jagger a DM. 676 00:28:04,915 --> 00:28:06,575 [laughter resumes] 677 00:28:06,675 --> 00:28:08,016 [Mal] Ahem. 678 00:28:08,116 --> 00:28:10,856 Can we, er... head back? My feet are freezing. 679 00:28:10,956 --> 00:28:13,416 [laughing] What was she thinking? 680 00:28:13,516 --> 00:28:15,016 Sorry, Joany. 681 00:28:15,116 --> 00:28:17,116 Oh, it's all right, it's all right. Honestly. 682 00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:20,457 Merry Christmas! [chuckles] 683 00:28:20,557 --> 00:28:22,177 If it's any consolation, 684 00:28:22,277 --> 00:28:25,457 I always felt that Ma and Pa loved you more than they loved me. 685 00:28:25,557 --> 00:28:27,577 Oh, well... 686 00:28:27,677 --> 00:28:30,657 I'd have swapped that any day for a go on a Hemswood brother. 687 00:28:30,757 --> 00:28:32,218 Oooh! 688 00:28:32,318 --> 00:28:35,058 [distant discordant singing] 689 00:28:35,158 --> 00:28:36,378 Is that-- Is that singing? 690 00:28:36,478 --> 00:28:38,498 Yes, it's Anne. 691 00:28:38,598 --> 00:28:41,938 ♪♪ O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy! ♪♪ 692 00:28:42,038 --> 00:28:44,498 ♪♪ O tidings of com-- ♪♪ 693 00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:46,339 - [thud] - Ow! 694 00:28:46,439 --> 00:28:48,439 She's fallen in the ha-ha. 695 00:28:48,919 --> 00:28:50,999 She'll be fine. Come on. 696 00:28:52,399 --> 00:28:56,139 [Mal] And then John McClane ties this hosepipe round his waist, 697 00:28:56,239 --> 00:28:58,740 because he thinks the guy in the helicopter's going to shoot him, 698 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,580 so he's got no way out. 699 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,300 He ties himself in, nice and tight... 700 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:03,820 Is he topless? 701 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,820 No, no, no, but by this point he's down to his vest. 702 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,981 - How is this a Christmas film? - What?! 703 00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:12,081 - You all right? - Yeah. 704 00:29:14,441 --> 00:29:17,261 I'm sorry Mick Jagger wasn't your father. 705 00:29:17,361 --> 00:29:18,981 I... I just thought that... 706 00:29:19,081 --> 00:29:20,141 umm... 707 00:29:20,241 --> 00:29:22,242 that I was special. 708 00:29:24,082 --> 00:29:26,182 You are special. 709 00:29:26,282 --> 00:29:29,522 - [soft string music playing] - [indistinct chatter] 710 00:29:30,922 --> 00:29:34,103 Well, for what it's worth, I'm sorry you didn't get to sleep with a Rolling Stone. 711 00:29:34,203 --> 00:29:36,463 Oh, I did sleep with Mick once or twice back in the day, 712 00:29:36,563 --> 00:29:38,983 but not in a way you can get pregnant. 713 00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:42,583 Right, everyone! We're going to do Amanda's photo! 714 00:29:42,683 --> 00:29:44,423 - Oh, Mummy. Really? - What?! Mm-hmm. 715 00:29:44,523 --> 00:29:47,304 - Shall I get the pavlova? - I can take the photo for you. 716 00:29:47,404 --> 00:29:49,904 No! Guys, you're all in it! Come on. 717 00:29:50,004 --> 00:29:52,424 - [Joan] There we go. - [Felicity] Everyone ready? 718 00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,904 - [Manus] I'll do the timer. Hang on. - [Mal] We're all here... 719 00:29:55,004 --> 00:29:57,824 - Oh, no, the hat! I need a hat! - Quickly, quickly! Hang on, hang on. 720 00:29:57,924 --> 00:30:00,025 Okay, everyone, quick, quick, quick! Come on, everyone! 721 00:30:00,125 --> 00:30:01,865 - Shh! Shh! Shh! - Okay, ready? Say cheese! 722 00:30:01,965 --> 00:30:05,505 [all] Cheese! 723 00:30:05,605 --> 00:30:08,665 - [Amanda] Oh, Anne! - [Felicity] There's a girl that likes a pudding! 724 00:30:08,765 --> 00:30:11,766 ♪♪ 725 00:30:36,728 --> 00:30:38,728 [music ends]